i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize
