When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
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I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
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Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
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