She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
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