bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
How would you go about getting a hold of the country star that you slept with and are now potentially pregnant with their baby...?
myspace Music?
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
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