Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
splinters make it hard to masturbate
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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