Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
Randomize
