Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
Randomize
