During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
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