If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
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