He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Randomize
