So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Randomize
