Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
Randomize
