Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
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