one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
Randomize
