He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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