My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Randomize
