im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
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