How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
Randomize
