I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
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My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
He keeps bees of course he's weird
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Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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