I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Randomize
