a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
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