I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
