Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
I want you more than these girls want KFC
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
Randomize
