don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
Randomize
