he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Randomize
