Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
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