When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Randomize
