i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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