We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
Randomize
