xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
We had to coat check the pizza.
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
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