Define "chronic" masturbator.
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
Randomize
