I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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