There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
birth control should be required to get into college
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
Randomize
