last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
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