the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
Randomize