Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
And then my night got REAL pukey
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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