I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Randomize
