i'm watching degrassi (go figure) and the episode is about jimmy not being able to get a boner and now he's famous and rapping about popping pussies..i dont get it.
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
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