We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Randomize
