How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
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