my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
Randomize
