I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
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