lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
