what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
My breath smells like gin and sadness
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