sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
just tell him i said nine months
I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
I yelled at your uterus for you.
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