If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
I have post one night stand depression
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Randomize
