My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
I deserve this hangover.
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
Randomize
