So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
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I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
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I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
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