I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
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Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
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Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
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