how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
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