A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
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