I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
My orgasm happened in two different decades
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