Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
Randomize