i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
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