someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
Randomize
