He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
Randomize
