I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
How does one acquire holy water?
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
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