i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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