I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
Randomize
