Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
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