butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
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