Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
Randomize
