Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Randomize
