Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
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He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
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The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize