This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
I wonder how skeet ulrich feels about the skeet skeet phrase and and what it denotes.
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
Randomize
