i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
I woke up under a house in Key West
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Randomize
