Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
i'm not sure what happened. i know i woke up on the floor of his bathroom, then had morning sex with him. dont remember getting to his apt. dont remember much.
morning sex?... maybe not a total mistake then? he seems like a normal person, so rare at BU
oh no, he's far from normal. i know his high school girlfriend. she's CRAZY. and he definitely deals prescription drugs. also. he had sex with me even though i slept on his bathroom floor.
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
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