All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
Send us your Text From Last Night!
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
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