11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
Randomize
