I heard we made out
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
Randomize
