and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
time to smoke my breakfast
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
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