First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
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