people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
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