Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
Its only 8 and she is already passed out
Perfect here is wht u do. Gently slip your index middle and ring finger into her butt hole but gently u dont wnt to wake her..let me know when ur ready for step 2
I seem to have left my pride at pride
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
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